Monday, April 13, 2015

Leaving a Garden

Why pics in my garden are not perfect, but better.  It's more important for you to see, 'real'.  Why?  You must be able to walk into your garden, any day of the year, and be able to take a roll of 36 slides, each worthy of a magazine cover.  A major national magazine.  Allowing for a bit of primping, those pics must be worthy of an international book cover.
Ready to play in my league?
This morning, below, shot less than 5 minutes ago.  Walking to give the chickens a treat.

Stewardship of this garden began, horrendously, ignorant of stewardship.  Waiting for denial to pass, decades, Providence, nevertheless, allowed the garden to steward me.
This is where I fly.
Terrible phone conversation last nite with my sister.  Selling my home after 30 years, she asked, "Will you dig up all your plants and put in grass?"
No, I responded, simply.
If the next owner wishes to, that is their privilege.
Here, this spot in my garden, pics above/below, a double axis, same path shot from opposite directions.  Merely 1 pivot point in my garden where I find relationship to Earth, myself, others, Providence, stewardship.  The more you go inward the more you outwardly connect.
Lawn?  Fertilizers, weed killers, fungicides, all toxic to the water supply & mychorizzal fungi, earthworms, pollinators.  Mowing, watering, no shading of the house in summer.  Wrapping little strips of green meatballs and dead mulch.  High maintenance, literally, and figuratively.

More, my sister chastised me deeply for where I will be moving.  I listened, not responding.
I am moving into my beliefs.  Yoked tightly with Providence.  Flying.  Ships were not built for harbor.  Sailing.
"But here’s the deal: I know that life is an inexorable pull toward love, beauty, passion, delight, longing, disquiet, hunger, wildness, appetite, generosity, compassion, creativity and hope in a future beyond our limited present. "  Terry Hershey

A story from Terry Hershey,  " His dream started when he was in college. Jeffrey Coale wanted to own a restaurant. Training in cooking and restaurant management helps, but so does money. So Jeffrey Coale went at it methodically. He worked for a number of years as a government bond trader on Wall Street. At night, he attended classes at the French Culinary Institute.  He quit trading and took a job as an apprentice chef at the Louis XV restaurant in Monte Carlo. Next, he returned to New York to work at the Alain Ducasse restaurant. Wanting to refine his understanding of the wine side of the business, he then took a dream job as an assistant wine master at Windows on the World, at the top of the World Trade Center North Tower, in August, 2001.  Meanwhile, Mr. Coale, 31, sifted around for a location for his restaurant. He had looked at several properties in Greece and New York.
“He left really good money to make $10 an hour at Windows,” said Leslie Brown, his sister. “But Jeff never settled for something. He always followed his passion.”
Jeffrey died on 9/11.
Tragedy? Yes.
Someone wrote that there are many tragedies in life, but dying young while living a passionate life is not one of them. As Paul Harvey would say, “here’s the rest of the story…” After Jeffrey’s death, reflecting on that devotion, two friends switched to jobs that better suited their own true interests. Two other friends broke off unsatisfying relationships. In memory of Mr. Coale, they are going to follow their passions.
Maybe that’s where we get stuck. We’ve been invited to fly… but somewhere along the way we’ve been told that…
…we are not enough
…we are small and not sufficiently gifted
…we are carried by the winds of public opinion
…our identity is owned by shame
…we owe it to someone to be perfect
…we seem at the mercy of our grief or our rage"  Terry Hershey
.  Packing & staging & taking loads to the thrift store, in my library, I pulled yet another book for thrift store.  Bought years ago from the same thrift store, bag-of-books-$1, I hadn't read it.  The author's name popped, Terry Hershey.  Reading it now.
In the coop, below, this morning.  After the massacre a couple of months ago 4 heirloom chickens remain, below, Alpha girl, marmalade, and her side kick Beta.  Horrifically injured during the massacre, I don't know why they survived, to thrive.  More, Alpha girl taught me a few things about alpha's. Gravely injured, 'alpha-dom' must be-will be maintained.  Body language, eye language, attitude kept Alpha girl alpha.  Unless I had witnessed this libretto I would not have believed it.

 "Don't let it be forgot, that once there was a spot, for one brief shining moment that was known as Camelot."
My Camelot, my garden, is within.  It travels with me.
Yes, there is grief in this particular layer.  Deep.  Enough to keep me from flying?  Hardly.  Not flying would be fear.  Consistent foe, I've learned to silence, with a simple question, 'What would I do tomorrow if I were not afraid?'
I first sought a beautiful garden, a place of grace & atonement.  More was given, than sought.
Garden & Be Well,    XO T
Lawn?  Too lazy for lawn & selfish.  My hunt is beauty.  Oh my, the riches of this hunt.


Hartwood Roses said...

Packing? Moving?

Godspeed, Tara, dear. New challenges and triumphs certainly await.

Thinking about you. Wishing you well.

Maureen Richmond said...

All of this lead up…

So where are you going?

Kay said...

Wow. Big changes. Good for you!! Hope you'll keep us posted on the journey. Living with intention and passion is a great gIft. To yourself and to the world. Ripples.

LPC said...

I am sorry for your evident grief. It will get better, if your experience is anything like mine. And, I don't plan to take out my wild garden if/when I sell either.

Joanne said...

Ii believe someone will come along that will fall in love with your garden and tend it well for the next 30 years. I,too,removed all the grass from my back yard and put in meandering paths, and gardens with some interesting sculptures. I find it a very relaxing retreat. There were those that questioned my decision but I knew it was the right thing to do.
That is a very sad story about a young man following his passions but I'm sure it was a life well lived. He certainly influenced others to be true to themselves.
You have really piqued my interest. Where are you going and to do what? I'm sure you'll share when the time is right.

Dunbar Dio said...

A lovely compelling tribute to your life well lived so far. I have been wrangling with all those questions and I want to fly too

Faux Fuchsia said...

leaving a garden is hard…I still dream about the one I left in 1995 x

Kristen Katz said...

I subscribe to the belief that if it hurts to say goodbye, you're living your life the right way.

P.S. We could all learn a thing or two from the Alpha Chicken.

Anonymous said...

You will never leave behind the experience of having made something beautiful and meaningful. Good luck in your new adventure.

La Contessa said...

YOU GOT IT!!!!!!!!!
FANTASTIC!Yes, it will be hard to leave the old garden and house but EVERYTHING AWAITS YOU in your new ABODE!I will be your sister who says YOU GO FOR IT!
FAMILY.........sometimes is YUCK but BLOG BUDDIES ARE THE BEST!
New Post up today.......I lost all my subscribers they were NEVER FOUND in the depths of cyber space.....
I will still trundle along!!

diana said...

Wow I have to read this again. You nailed it. Here's to flying!

Joni Webb said...

Tara - this is so sad!!!!

send me pics of your new windows and I can help you decide what to do.


Joni Webb said...

btw - did you ever read my opus o grey gardens?

and then, a little update:

wrote these a long time ago - not sure how they hold up with time!

DC Tropics said...

A beautiful and thoughtful post, I enjoyed reading it along with some of your others.

Dewena said...

As always, there is such beauty and meaning and challenges here. I am so struck by Jeffrey Coale's life as told by Terry Hershey's writing. Thank you for passing this on to us, Tara.

Your Camelot may be within you but I look forward to the new horizons you take it to. And I can't help being so darn curious!

Your dear hens, and Beta, the Barred Plymouth Rock? Like our sweet Gray Girl and Sunny. I adore them for the way they squat down for me to pet them!

Penelope Bianchi said...

Oh, I deeply pray whomever buys your house will treasure the treasure of your garden. I cannot imagine that anyone else would buy it!
Charm, beauty, so unusual and private.

Please take the chickens with you!


Penelope Bianchi said...

ps I feel sorry for your sister. Oh well.

Thistle Cove Farm said...

I'm sorry but I don't understand...why would you dig up your plants and put in grass? What's the purpose of that? Best wishes on the sale of your house; may you find happiness all the places you go.

Nita Stacy said... gosh! Didn't know there was a chicken massacre! I hope whoever buys your house and garden appreciates the garden and keeps it. Sending love your way. Big changes for you I see.