With irony, and infertility, I bear witness, thanks to my career, to many successful mothers. However, never an Oprah show topic, I bear witness to parent/child relationships displaying the blessings of infertility too.
Successfully retired from a career/business she owned, involved now with volunteer work making a difference on the national stage, her 2 children are in their 30's. I've always put her in my successful mom category.
Invited to dinner last nite she surprised me with 3 things she wish she'd known at the front end of her motherhood.
Talk to her children sooner about drugs. For birthdays/Christmas do not give so many nice gifts. When their father wants to discipline the children, let him, don't over ride his input on most occasions.
Clear-eyed candor.
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Garden & Be Well, XO Tara
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Have lost count of the moms, when discovering my unwanted infertility, said they would walk thru fire for their children yet if they could do it all again they would not have them. It's an odd thing to be on the sideline & bear witness. My unborn children are perfect, don't you know !! Alas, it's grandchildren I miss, not children.
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Pics taken at a jobsite. Last pic, one of my favorite designs. Understatement, I'm incredibly proud of creating this view. Simple & historic yet it's new and took me 3 decades of experience to get here. Plus the skill of my team.
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If you want a beautiful garden & home filling you with joy, and causes you to tap the brake pedal, as you look in the rear view mirror heading out, become my client, local or on-line.
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Award winning speaker, hire me to speak to your group, local or out-of-state.
.Garden books by Tara Dillard, Amazon.
7 comments:
Oh Tara, we are kindred spirits. I also had unwanted infertility and honestly it's become painful not having grandchildren. I miss all the joy that children and family brings.
Hugs..
Your ever faithful reader
Kathy
Excellent advice.
My dearest friend, Helen, was 96 when she died. She never had children but she was mother to many. I claimed her too.
I am so sorry for your pain, friend. I have no words.
xo
Andie
Perfectly profound, as always.
Without born children and grandchildren, you have the opportunity to be mother and grandmother to whomever you want.
Tara, I share your situation and grief. Most times I am happy and then something happens and I wallow in self pity for just a moment or two. It doesn't help you for me to say "I know how you feel" but I do. My own Mum died a few weeks ago and I fear for my own isolated and possibly very lonely old age. So I am giving a lot of thought to arranging my affairs early. Think of all the joy your gardens give to people. Devoted follower .... Judith in Australia
Judith you describe those 'moments' perfectly. They arrive of their own agenda, sometimes years apart. each time, profound.
oddly, not afraid of old age. friends in the same boat, at the end of their life had no problems, & have seen friends with children in great drama during hospice with their children.
hope you are soon smiling in many memories of your Mum.
xot
Tara,
I would have our children over. Our the grandchildren give us a chance to really enjoy children.
Your design is just beautiful. Serene. Greeting from Australia.
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